Just a memory.

fingers fragile to touch what you used to trace with yours;
fingernails unbitten, no bruises or burnmarks
no bitemarks

just mental pictures and videos i have,, so when i miss you i go into my 6 month library of memories and watch em like dvds.. pause em rewind em never fasting forward cuz the present isnt something i wanted but i have to be nice and accept it anyway,

they tell me things happen for a reason.. and that God works in mysterious ways..

they say this will make me stronger... how do they know?? the Lord took my strength...

purpose of life has no purpose when the person who made it worth wild isn't here,..

i fake it.. fake this smile i have and the happy make up with the bright clothes and the beach every weekend and the cups of alcohol and the blunts filled with weed and the happy music and the happy dancing and the happy bullshyt..

fake it to myself... to cope with not having you,,

pretending to not have even met you for one second and the next being such a scorching pain to my heart to even wonder why i PRETENDED when its inevitable that you will always be a memory to me...

just a memory,,

your love is..

just a memory,,

your kiss is,,

just a memory,,

so i'm playing my memories like how little kids watch the same movie till they know every single word..

i'm watching our memories memorizing your every worth..

she was mad cuz she didnt know what she had till you were gone... i could never be mad at that.

i'm mad because i always fought for what we had... but fate disagreed.