a lovers plea to self.

a heart cant beat as fast paced the way your feet hit pavement when i think i need you.
am i imagining again?

am i imagining my insecurites playing relay races to the end of time and not congradulating us for making it to the finish line; you wouldnt be able to keep up.

my faults are to much to bare and you kiss em and smile and say never never never
would we let this go
let the best of us become the worst of us
even though we argue every night, the inside me and the outside me conflict everytime it comes to you..

dont let him break the gates and barb wire the fences let him get prickled everytime he trys to reach for our heart everytime he trys to climb to a better spot and stretches close to touch release the guard doggs

dont let his kisses on the left side of our chest mean anything, dont let the caressing and undressing and sexing and words promises and teddy bears sneakers clothes and movies break into our establishment we've finally made whole.

dont be a sucker..

Please don't be a sucker...to another hard headed sweet tasting bad for your health

just dont...i'm begging you self.

Addiction.

i miss his kisses from my lips down to my toes

i miss the way he lays his head on my chest and falls asleep

i miss waking up to his arms squeezing my waist

OMG i miss being with him for more than 72 hours..

this is not good...

my birthday.

im 9teen now.


Oh sweet Jesus..

counting

d
o
w
n

t
i
l
l

i am

2
1 . i need my OWN home...smoke ganja till i fall asleep. YUP.

day two

Wondering if he'll kiss my cuts and make them go away..


Or will he run in fear?


I've learned that I'm a very weak person
I care to much
Love to much
And I let people take what I need most away from me.


Ugh. Swollen eyes and pale face


Still questioning my existing.

day one

Massacred my existing I still question.
My happiness I wonder what's the purpose
No more self centered thoughts


Walking talking robot
I won't feel
I won't taste
I'm not gonna see

What's the point?

I ask myself that all the time.